10 Year Challenge

I’m not a big fan of the social media 10 year challenge craze, and I can understand why many find it a bit annoying. I share these two photos not to get a thumbs up or accolades, but to demonstrate how my journey over the past ten years is a gift that has prepared me for my work with my clients. The lessons I’ve learned are seeds of wisdom that I am honored to impart to others. In 10 years I’ve moved from an overworked, exhausted, unhappy, people-pleasing, self-sacrificing, codependent mother in survival mode, to a peaceful, wise, grateful, powerhouse living from a place of authenticity, integrity, honesty, and vulnerability. I am excited to co-create a future with my clients where we prioritize self-care and return to the best versions of ourselves. It is in this sacred work together where we return to our true selves and are able to thrive and have healthy relationships with those we love.

2012-2022

I wonder if you see the same things I do. When I went to look for a picture from 2012, the ONLY picture I could find was a professional shot for the preschool website. It’s like I didn’t exist in 2012. And in a way, I didn’t. When I look at that picture I see a smile. But behind the smile I see a mother who was beyond exhausted. I can literally see pain in my eyes, “fake it until you make it” energy. A literal shell of a human. I wonder, do you see it too?

In 2012 I was in my third year as a preschool owner. My children were in kindergarten and second grade, which were really challenging years for both of them. I was married, but was unhappy. There was consistent financial stress as my husband at the time brought in very little and inconsistent income. I felt lonely even though I was married. I was in survival mode on all levels. 

In 2014, my marriage ended traumatically, and after our divorce in 2015, he counter parented me every step of the way. I was a victim of emotional and financial post separation abuse and had no idea this was what I was in for post-divorce. Still though, once I was distanced from such dysfunction, I felt lighter and more hopeful. 

I did my best to run my business. I opened a second school in 2016 to be able to better support myself and my family. I bought my first house at 40 years of age and was working with teachers and therapists to uncover how my upbringing impacted my ability to have healthy relationships. I was feeling proud of my growth, but there were more lessons to learn.

In 2019, when my sons entered their teenage years, there was a sudden shift in behavior. They craved more time with their father, who they were only with about 30% of the time during the school year. I allowed it. They are boys, and during the teen years, it is common for the teen to gravitate to the same sex parent. But, I was also scared. I was holding my breath knowing they were attracted to the lack of boundaries and permissive parenting style. I was not a fan of his tendency towards aggression and parenting through fear when angry, either. 

Fast forward to present. It’s been a VERY bumpy ride to say the least, but my boys are now back at home and I am ready to walk the path of healing with them. I wish I could “fix” all the pain they’ve been through, but I can’t. My attempts to fix, nag, teach, or lecture in the past have caused resentment and frustration on all sides. I have to let go and allow them to learn through error and live the natural consequences from the choices they make. It is profoundly challenging and deeply transformational work. I will love them unconditionally and believe these life lessons will provide them with profound insight as they move into adulthood. I will always be here for them.

Lessons Learned

With every trauma, heartbreak, and mistreatment I’ve endured, also comes powerful lessons. Everything is co-created, and it is important to understand my role in the process. My ex-husband and children were mirrors to show me my wounded parts and the parts that needed to be compassionately acknowledged. I have learned so much and I am grateful to them to have learned these lessons.

I’ve learned what true power is. True power is responding and not reacting, having no attachment to outcome, taking nothing personally, radical unconditional acceptance, honoring yourself with firm boundaries, making yourself a priority, and letting go. 

I’ve learned about what healthy relationships look like: how attunement builds security, how to move through conflict successfully, the importance of coming from a place of curiosity, prioritizing repair after conflict, and more. I’ve also learned that if only one person is willing to do the work, then not much progress can be made. Both have to have an open heart and be willing to work hard together to grow together. Otherwise, you will grow apart.

And I’ve learned that the way you treat yourself, is how others will treat you. How does your internal voice speak to you? What do you do to prioritize your own social, emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental health? Do you set appropriate boundaries when you are treated poorly to protect your time and energy? If you are a self-sacrificing, people pleaser who thinks love is allowing yourself to be treated poorly, then your children will mirror that back to you. My children have spurred my growth through the gifts they’ve given, even when it felt hard. And I am better for having lived through the experience. 

Stepping Into My Power

The past 10 years have been an exercise in stepping into my power. I once read a quote that said something like, “There is great wisdom in women’s untold stories.” The lessons I’ve learned are insights and wisdom now guiding my coaching practice. I am ready to share my stories, depth of knowledge, and experience with you to help you create a future where you feel empowered, confident, and hopeful. My goal is to instill hope and inspiration and to make a safe space for your own profound shifts to emerge.

Together, we will co-create a future where you can shift from exhausted to empowered, frustrated to fearless, overwhelmed to optimistic, critical to compassionate, and more. And I look forward to celebrating your growth and transformation every step of the way.